"My heart goes out to anyone who..." - Quote by Mark Twain

“What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it. . . . The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all. . . . When we talk about the great workers of the world we really mean the great players of the world.”

“Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.”

“One of my theories is that the hearts of men are about alike, no matter what their skin color.”

“Yet through delivery orators succeed,I feel that I am far behind indeed.[Ger., Allein der Vortrag macht des Redners Gluck,Ich fuhl es wohl noch bin ich weit zuruck.]”

“Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.”

“I [give] maybe the long-winded speeches that not everybody reads, but I can also do a slow jam on Jimmy Fallon better than most.”

“Evidence is conclusive that your self-talk has a direct bearing on your performance.”

“If you are not the best, then pretend you are”

“Imust have a London audience.I could never preach, but to the educated; to those who were capable of estimating my composition.”