"I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg..." - Quote by Mark Twain

“Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.”

“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”

“I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.”

“There still shines the most important nuance by virtue of which the noble felt themselves to be men of a higher rank. They designate themselves simply by their superiority in power (as "the powerful," "the masters," "the commanders") or by the most clearly visible signs of this superiority, for example, as "the rich," "the possessors" (this is the meaning of 'Arya,' and of corresponding words in Iranian and Slavic).”

“And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.”

“Cut these words and they would bleed; they are vascular and alive.”

“It's possible that I shall make an ass of myself. But in that case one can always get out of it with a little dialectic. I have, of course, so worded my proposition as to be right either way.”

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.”

“The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.”