"If the cops didn't see it, I..." - Quote by George Carlin
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
More by George Carlin
“On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.”
“Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?”
“Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.”
More on Rules
“I do things differently, because I don't go by a rule book, because I lead from the heart, not the head, and albeit that's got me into trouble in my work, I understand that.”
“I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, "Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"”
“The chief enemy of creativity is 'good' sense.”
More on Law
“Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced.”
“I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot no deputy.”
“[N]o country can be well governed unless its citizens as a body keep religiously before their minds that they are the guardians of the law and that the law officers are only the machinery for its execution, nothing more.”