“With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.”

“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

“Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.”

“When will all the rhetorical questions end?”

“I were better to be eaten to death with a rust than to be scoured to nothing with perpetual motion.”

“No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle.”

“A mind always employed is always happy. This is the true secret, the grand recipe, for felicity.”