"I literally didn't know my father. My..." - Quote by George Carlin

“I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.”

“I am a personal optimist but a skeptic about all else. What may sound to some like anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt. I view my species with a combination of wonder and pity, and I root for its destruction. And please don't confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything's gonna be all right.”

“Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?”

“Weird behavior is natural in smart children, just as curiosity is to a kitten.”

“I don't even know how to speak up for myself, because I don't really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice. And if you're always the new kid, you never get a chance to adapt, so your confidence is just zilch.”

“No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.”

“All great change in America begins at the dinner table.”

“Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.”

“Let the tears which fell, and the broken words which were exchanged in the long close embrace between the orphans, be sacred. A father, sister, and mother, were gained, and lost, in that one moment. Joy and grief were mingled in the cup; but there were no bitter tears: for even grief arose so softened, and clothed in such sweet and tender recollections, that it became a solemn pleasure, and lost all character of pain.”