"The more complicated the order, the bigger..." - Quote by George Carlin

“If you're looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else?”

“Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.”

“Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.”

“What a blessed thing it is, that Nature, when she invented, manufactured, and patented her authors, contrived to make critics out of the chips that were left!”

“In literary and art criticism there are two criteria, the political and the artistic.”

“There is, on the whole, nothing on earth intended for innocent people so horrible as a school. To begin with, it is a prison. But in some respects more cruel than a prison. In a prison, for instance, you are not forced to read books written by the warders and the governor. . . .In the prison you are not forced to sit listening to turnkeys discoursing without charm or interest on subjects that they don't understand and don't care about, and therefore incapable of making you understand or care about. In a prison they may torture your body; but they do not torture your brains.”

“It was our love of foreign cloth that ousted the wheel from its position of dignity.”

“Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.”

“I just saw an ad the other day that I couldn't believe. There was this woman-and I think it's degrading to womankind-she was going out of her mind over a new product called "A Thousand Flushes." Here she was in her toilet, saying, "Oh, I love this product!" and, "My life is complete!" Good God-if your joy depends on "A Thousand Flushes," you're sick!”