“With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.”

“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

“Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.”

“When will all the rhetorical questions end?”

“Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares,And think perchance they'll sell; if not,The lustre of the better yet to showShall show the better.”

“The greatest meliorator of the world is selfish, huckstering Trade.”

“In finance everything that is agreeable is unsoundand everything that is sound is disagreeable.”