"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering..." - Quote by George Carlin
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
More by George Carlin
“No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.”
“If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.”
“And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.”
More on Humor
“The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.”
“When good Americans die, they go to Paris" "Where do bad Americans go?" "They stay in America”
“Princeton is a wonderful little spot. A quaint and ceremonious village of puny demigods on stilts.”
More on Death
“My son, a perfect little boy of five years and three months, had ended his earthly life. You can never sympathize with me; you can never know how much of me such a young child can take away. A few weeks ago I accounted myself a very rich man, and now the poorest of all.”
“We are the dead. Our only true life is in the future.”
“If there really is such a thing as turning in one's grave, Shakespeare must get a lot of exercise.”