"When cheese gets its picture taken, what..." - Quote by George Carlin

“There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.”

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”

“Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.”

“Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.”

“There are only two realities in life: death and laughter. We can do nothing to change the former, so we might as well do all we can to save the latter.”

“An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.”

“A gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years.”

“[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery; it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.”

“I can speak French but I cannot understand it.”