"In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow"..." - Quote by George Carlin

“To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.”

“That's really a part of my nature , it goes along with autonomy and independence of action - it's just that I don't identify with the local group, no matter what it is, whether it's the human species or the American democracy, the nation, the country, religions, political parties, nothing. None of these have my allegiance because I'm not really concerned with what they do. I don't feel a part of any of this.”

“Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?”

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

“California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.”

“I'd rather argue against a hundred idiots, than have one agree with me.”

“The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.”

“I see a clear breach of ahimsa even in driving away monkeys; the breach would be proportionately greater if they have to be killed.”

“I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!”