"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts...." - Quote by George Carlin

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”

“Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."”

“Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.”

“I was under twenty when I deliberately put it to myself one night after good conversation that there are moments when we actually touch in talk what the best writing can only come near. The curse of our book language is not so much that it keeps forever to the same set phrases . . . but that it sounds forever with the same reading tones. We must go out into the vernacular for tones that haven't been brought to book.”

“Language has time as its element; all other media have space as their element.”

“One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.”

“Words reduce reality to something the human mind can grasp, which isn’t very much.”

“Words, how little they mean when they are too late.”

“Be generous with kindly words, especially about those who are absent.”