"To me, fast food is when a..." - Quote by George Carlin

“I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.”

“I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.”

“Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.”

“Only your friends steal your books.”

“So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.”

“America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.”

“I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.”

“'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.”

“Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.”