"I respect animals. I have more sympathy..." - Quote by George Carlin

“E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.”

“Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!”

“I have things that are strident and confrontational, and I have a lot of things that are childlike and innocent and sort of sweet. So, somewhere in between lies the middle of me.”

“A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.”

“When there was room on the ledge outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was there- in sunny weather- stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, with her furry belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose.”

“I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!”

“Curiosity creeps into the houses of the unfortunate and the needy under the name of duty or of pity.”

“What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly what may be described as a sense of humor”

“People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves.”