"By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I..." - Quote by George Carlin

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”

“More people write poetry than read it.”

“To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.”

“I had too much Nyquil and Vivarin again. Lost my stomach all over the place.”

“In truth I never really liked any of the heavy drugs, because normally my energy is up when I'm performing, and that's about it. Cocaine is nothing new. It's the pressure, I think. People use it to relieve that, and for me it is about getting numb and forgetting. I have a reverse metabolic reaction to the stuff.”

“After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.”

“All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.”

“On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.”

“Tobacco and opium have broad backs, and will cheerfully carry the load of armies, if you choose to make them pay high for such joy as they give and such harm as they do.”