“With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.”

“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

“Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.”

“When will all the rhetorical questions end?”

“More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.”

“In case anybody asks you about my position on capital punishment, you can tell them I favor it; and if they want to know why, you can tell them this story.”

“We make needless ado about capital punishment,--taking lives, when there is no life to take.”