"Every day I beat my own previous..." - Quote by George Carlin

“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”

“Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.”

“In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!”

“Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.”

“With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now”

“It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing”

“The world is a bride of surpassing beauty-but remember that this maiden is never bound to anyone.”

“I don't understand these people anymore, that travel the commuter-trains to their dormitory towns. These people that call themselves human, but, by a pressure they do not feel, are forced to do their work like ants. With what do they fill their time when they are free of work on their silly little Sundays? I am very fortunate in my profession. I feel like a farmer, with the airstrips as my fields. Those that have once tasted this kind of fare will not forget it ever. Not so, my friends?”

“A heart full of courage and cheerfulness needs a little danger from time to time, or the world gets unbearable.”