"Sometimes when I'm told to use my..." - Quote by George Carlin
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
More by George Carlin
“You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.”
“Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.”
“I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word "cynic" has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. "George, you're cynical." Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know?”
More on Humor
“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'”
“I really do believe that anything in life - any obstacle or challenge - can be made better with humor.”
“I'm half-Irish, half-Dutch, and I was born in Belgium. If I was a dog, I'd be in a hell of a mess!”