"Men are from Earth, women are from..." - Quote by George Carlin

“When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.”

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”

“What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?”

“Men are cowards when it comes to the "eternally feminine": and the little women know it.”

“There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them.”

“A lover always thinks of his mistress first and himself second; with a husband it runs the other way.”

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”

“A child's course in life should be determined not by the zip code she's born in, but by the strength of her work ethic and the scope of her dreams.”

“There are good men and bad men of all nationalities, creeds and colors; and if this world of ours is ever to become what we hope some day it may become, it must be by the general recognition that the man's heart and soul, the man's worth and actions, determine his standing.”