"There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy,..." - Quote by George Carlin

“To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesn't need guidance from.”

“It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.”

“No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.”

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.”

“The overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.”

“My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.”

“Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?”

“They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.”

“With educated people, I suppose, punctuation is a matter of rule; with me it is a matter of feeling. But I must say I have a great respect for the semicolin; it's a useful little chap”