"I went through the usual stages: imp,..." - Quote by George Carlin

“I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.”

“Barry Goldwater has definitely decided to be a candidate in '64. He will campaign in all thirteen states.”

“I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.”

“Just as with the man in the fairy tale who turned whatever he touched into gold, with me everything is turned into newspaper clamor.”

“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.”

“I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!”

“With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.”

“A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.”

“I was the girl who didn’t get invited to parties.”