Artist Quotes

We make our money out of our friends. Our enemies will not do business with us.

The more one knows, the more one simplifies.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

If you work for a man, in heaven's name work for him, speak well of him, and stand by the institution he represents. Remember, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness. If you must growl, condemn, and eternally find fault - resign your position, and when you are outside, damn to your heart's content - but as long as you are part of the institution, do not condemn it. If you do, the first high wind that comes along will blow you away, and probably you will never know why.

If put to the pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.

The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.

Young women with ambitions should be very crafty and cautious, lest mayhap they be caught in the soft, silken mesh of a happy marriage, and go down to oblivion, dead to the world.

When on the brink of complete discouragement, success is discerning that...the line between failure and success is so fine that often a single extra effort is all that is needed to bring victory out of defeat.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before.

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

No book is of much importance; the vital thing is, What do you yourself think?

To supply a thought is mental massage; but to evolve a thought of your own is an achievement. Thinking is a brain exercise and no faculty grows save as it is exercised.

A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.

I believe that the best way to prepare for a Future Life is to be kind, live one day at a time, and do the work you can do best, doing it as well as you can.

Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

The inspirations of today are the shams of tomorrow the purpose has departed.

The idea that is not dangerous is not worthy of being called an idea at all.

The man who knows it can't be done counts the risk, not the reward.

Enthusiasm is the great hill-climber.

Life consists in molting our illusions. We form creeds today only to throw them away tomorrow. The eagle molts a feather because he is growing a better one.

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

All mothers are working mothers.

Why not be a top-notcher? A top-notcher is simply an individual who works for the institution of which he is a part, not against it.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

The poor and ignorant will continue to lie and steal as long as the rich and educated show them how.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

What people need and what they want may be very different.

No matter how long you live, die young.

If you work for a man, in heavens name work for him! If he pays you wages that supply you your bread and butter, work for him speak well of him, think well of him, stand by him and stand by the institution he represents. I think if I worked for a man I would work for him. I would not work for him a part of the time, and the rest of the time work against him. I would give an undivided service or none. If put to the pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.

There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability. The sternest comment that can be made against employers as a class lies in the fact that men of Ability usually succeed in showing their worth in spite of their employer, and not with his assistance and encouragement.

Get happiness out of your work or you may never know what happiness is.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

Your neighbor is the man who needs you.

All wages are based primarily on productive power. Anything else would be charity.

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.

Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

Our admiration is so given to dead martyrs that we have little time for living heroes.

It's pretty hard to be efficient without being obnoxious.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

The wise way to benefit humanity is to attend to your own affairs, and thus give other people an opportunity to look after theirs.

The secret of success is this: there is no secret of success.

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

Life is a paradox. Every truth has its counterpart which contradicts it; and every philosopher supplies the logic his own undoing.

No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.

As we grow better, we meet better people.

Every quarrel begins in nothing and ends in a struggle for supremacy.

The love we give away is the only love we keep.

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

A goal without a plan is a dream.

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

Laughter is higher than all pain.