Satirist Quotes

“The greatest Inventions were produced in Times of Ignorance; as the Use of the Compass, Gunpowder, and Printing; and by the dullest Nation, as the Germans.”

“Everyone desires long life, not one old age.”

“Falsehood flies, and truth comes limping after it, so that when men come to be undeceived, it is too late; the jest is over, and the tale hath had its effect.”

“There is no talent so useful toward rising in the world, or which puts men more out of the reach of fortune, than that quality generally possessed by the dullest sort of men, and in common speech called discretion; a species of lower prudence, by the assistance of which, people of the meanest intellectuals, without any other qualification, pass through the world in great tranquillity, and with universal good treatment, neither giving nor taking offence.”

“When you set about your composing, it may be necessary for your ease, and better distillation of wit, to put on your worst clothes, and the worse the better; for an author, like a limbeck, will yield the better for having a rag about him: besides that, I have observed a gardener cut the outward rind of a tree (which is the surtout of it) to make it bear well; and this is a natural account of the usual poverty of poets, and is an argument why wits, of all men living, ought to be ill clad.”

“It is pleasant to observe how free the present age is in laying taxes on the next. "Future ages shall talk of this; they shall be famous to all posterity;" whereas their time and thoughts will be taken up about present things, as ours are now.”

“Most sorts of diversion in men, children and other animals, are in imitation of fighting.”

“It is a maxim among these lawyers, that whatever hath been done before, may legally be done again: and therefore they take special care to record all the decisions formerly made against common justice and the general reason of mankind.”

“Once kick the world, and the world and you will live together at a reasonably good understanding.”

“I never knew a man come to greatness or eminence who lay abed late in the morning.”

“When any one person or body of men seize into their hands the power in the last resort, there is properly no longer a government, but what Aristotle and his followers call the abuse and corruption of one.”

“This made me reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavor to do himself honor among those who are out of all degree of equality or comparison with him.”

“Come hither, all ye empty things,Ye bubbles rais'd by breath of Kings;Who float upon the tide of state,Come hither, and behold your fate.Let pride be taught by this rebuke,How very mean a thing's a Duke;From all his ill-got honours flung,Turn'd to that dirt from whence he sprung.”

“Punning is a talent which no man affects to despise but he that is without it.”

“Tis nothing when you are used to it.”

“No man was ever so completely skilled in the conduct of life, as not to receive new information from age and experience.”

“The example alone of a vicious prince will corrupt an age; but that of a good one will not reform it.”

“Words are but wind; and learning is nothing but words; ergo, learning is nothing but wind.”

“When we are old, our friends find it difficult to please us, and are less concerned whether we be pleased or not.”

“Hobbes clearly proves, that every creature Lives in a state of war by nature.”

“If Heaven had looked upon riches to be a valuable thing, it would not have given them to such a scoundrel.”

“For in reason, all government without the consent of the governed is the very definition of slavery.”

“Fools are apt to imitate only the defects of their betters.”

“When a real genius appeares in this world, you'll know him by the fact that all the fools have allied against him.”

“I have ever hated all nations, professions, and communities, and all my love is toward individuals: for instance, I hate the tribe of lawyers, but I love Counsellor Such-a-one, and Judge Such-a-one: so with physicians - I will not speak of my own trade - soldiers, English, Scotch, French, and the rest. But principally I hate and detest that animal called man, although I heartily love John, Peter, Thomas, and so forth. This is the system upon which I have governed myself many years, but do not tell.”