"If your wife wants to learn to..." - Quote by Sam Levenson

“When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?”

“Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.”

“Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.”

“No good sensible working bee listens to the advice of a bedbug on the subject of business.”

“To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist - the problem is entirely the same in both cases. To know exactly how much oil one must put with one's vinegar.”

“Lawyers, Preachers, and Tomtits Eggs, there are more of them hatch'd than come to perfection.”

“The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes.”

“I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person. But I do know that if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. It is far more important to BE the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person.”

“I know so many who have married in the full expectation and confidence of some one particular advantage in the connection, or accomplishment, or good quality in the person, who have found themselves entirely deceived, and been obliged to put up with exactly the reverse. What is this but a take in?”