"There's an old saying among scientific guys:..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, 'I may lick myself in public, but I'd never say anything as stupid as that.'”

“If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?”

“I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful and productive that would actually benefit society. Fortunately this never happened.”

“Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?”

“I myself should also be dead already, but I am still here.”

“School gets in the way of my learning.”

“There are two processes which we adopt consciously or unconsciously when we try to prophesy. We can seek a period in the past whose conditions resemble as closely as possible those of our day, and presume that the sequel to that period will, save for some minor alterations, be similar. Secondly, we can survey the general course of development in our immediate past, and endeavor to prolong it into the near future. The first is the method the historian; the second that of the scientist. Only the second is open to us now, and this only in a partial sphere.”

“Until man duplicates a blade of grass, nature can laugh at his so called scientific knowledge.”

“Darkness is absence of light. Shadow is diminution of light.”