"When trouble arises and things look bad,..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.”

“They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.”

“There's a test they can do to determine a baby's gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of Leonardo DiCaprio into the uterus, and if the baby punches it, it's a boy.”

“And I will make it felony to drink small beer.”

“My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!”

“I don't want to throw rice. I want to throw rocks.”

“When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty.”

“With people in high office, the old - you go into the extreme, which is absolute power and absolute power corrupts.”

“A party should not contain utterly incongruous elements, radically divided on the real issues, and acting together only on false and dead issues insincerely painted as real and vital. It should not in the several States as well as in the Nation be prostituted to the service of the baser type of political boss. It should be so composed that there should be a reasonable agreement in the actions taken by it both in the Nation and in the several States. Judged by these standards, both of the old parties break down.”