"Always be nice to your children because..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!”

“I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!”

“I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.”

“Part of the thrill of guiding children into adulthood is the release. But it's also a parent's greatest act of surrender. Still, you have to let them go. Start now.”

“And once we have given our community a good start,' I pointed out, ' the process will be cumulative. By maintaining a sound system of education you produce citizens of good character, and citizens of sound character, with the advantage of a good education, produce in turn children better than themselves and better able to produce still better children in their turn, as can be seen with animals.”

“Adult males are what their moms designed them.”

“Our children are our only hope for the future, but we are their only hope for their present and their future.”

“Kids go where there is excitement. They stay where there is love.”

“Kids don't make up 100 percent of our population, but they do make up 100 percent of our future.”