"I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.”

“When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, "Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!"”

“I have found when I look at an audience that the expressions on the peoples' faces aren't always up to par with the sounds that they're making. A crowd can sound like they're having a good time when your eyes are closed but if you open your eyes, the looks on some of those faces don't equal the sound.”

“If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.”

“Congress shall also create a tax code weighing more than the combined poundage of the largest member of the House and the largest member of the Senate, plus a standard musk ox.”

“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”

“I am in the lineage of Gil Scott-Heron, great activist-type artists. But I'm also in the lineage of a Miles Davis - you know, that liked nice things also.”

“The painter strives and competes with nature.”

“I've always wanted to make a career in the arts, and I think that my only hope at doing that is to make it more about the work.”