"As a taxpayer, you are required to..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.”

“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”

“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.”

“The coke made me incredibly horny.”

“One: demonstrations always crash. And two: the probability of them crashing goes up exponentially with the number of people watching.”

“I try to keep it positive and play it cool, shoot up the playground and tell the kids to stay in school.”

“I don't think meals have any business being deductible. I'm for separation of calories and corporations.”

“[High income tax rates] not only check consumption but discourage investment and encourage...the avoidance of taxes [rather] than the production of goods.[...]Our present tax system...reduces the financial incentives for personal effort, investment, and risk-taking.”

“Being willing to donate the taxpayers' money is not the same as being willing to put your own money where your mouth is.”