"Computers operate on simple principles that can..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.”

“Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?”

“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”

“I have only one moral precept; never smoke more than five cigars at a time.”

“A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being searched.”

“I checked the actuarial tables, and the lowest death rate is among six-year-olds. So I decided to eat like a six-year-old.”

“It is hard to smash a computer when you're laughing.”

“Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (And by 'they', I mean 'computers'. I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)”

“Microsoft was founded with a vision of a computer on every desk, and in every home. We've never wavered from that vision.”