"If, when you talk to people, they..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.”

“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”

“Dogs do not grasp the concept of house cleaning.”

“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.”

“When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.”

“My original idea for the cover was better - decapitate Paul - but he wouldn't go along with it.”

“I never wish to offend, but I am so foolishly shy, that I often seem negligent, when I am only kept back by my natural awkwardness.”

“Praise is a more ingenious, concealed, and subtle kind of flattery, that satisfies both the giver and the receiver, though by verydifferent ways. The one accepts it as a reward due to his merit; the other gives it that he may be looked upon as a just and discerning person.”

“Every body we know surrounds himself with a fine house, fine books, conservatory, gardens, equipage, and all manner of toys, as screens to interpose between himself and his guest. Does it not seem as if man was of a very sly, elusive nature, and dreaded nothing so much as a full rencontre front to front with his fellow?”