"Our toaster has two settings: too soon..." - Quote by Sam Levenson

“Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.”

“I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?”

“Times don't change. Men do.”

“Baseball is our national pastime, that is if you discount political campaigning.”

“I will laugh at the world. And most of all, I will laugh at myself for man is most comical when he takes himself too seriously.”

“The overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.”

“To stay present in everyday life, it helps to be deeply rooted within yourself; otherwise, the mind, which has incredible momentum, will drag you along like a wild river.”

“We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.”

“I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then I think, "Oh, yeah. Kinko's. No problem. That will not remain singular."”