"Fang took the entire family out for..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.”

“You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!”

“I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.”

“I keep my undies in the icebox!”

“The [Kodak is] the only witness I have encountered in my long experience that I couldn't bribe.”

“A scary dream makes your heart beat faster. Why doesn't the part of your brain that controls your heartbeat realize that another part of your brain is making the whole thing up? Don't these people communicate?”

“How many pistols smoking coming from a broken family?”

“The best way to raise positive children in a negative world is to have positive parents who love them unconditionally and serve as excellent role models.”

“I've had a lot of people tell me they watched 'Old Dogs' with their kids and had a good time.”