"You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.”

“When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests.”

“You want to look younger... rent smaller children.”

“I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'”

“Marriage is like a book. The whole story takes place between the covers.”

“Dude, my hair is like an architectural structure. It’s like… a building.”

“Those who boast are not respected.”

“The more I reflect and look back on the past, the more vividly do I feel my limitations.”

“In prosperous fortunes be modest and wise, The greatest may fall, and the lowest may rise: But insolent People that fall in disgrace, Are wretched and nobody pities their Case.”