"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”

“The doctor looked at my cardiogram and made that "hmmmm" noise that doctors are taught in medical school so they won't come right out and say "UH-oh!"”

“Dogs do not grasp the concept of house cleaning.”

“I am a little jet lagged from my trip to Malaysia...The lengths we have to go to to get CNN coverage these days.”

“Oh these mathematicians make me tired! When you ask them to work out a sum they take a piece of paper, cover it with rows of A's, B's, and X's and Y's ... scatter a mess of flyspecks over them, and then give you an answer that's all wrong!”

“The stupid are invincible.”

“...These healers...my intellect has been unable to assimilate their theories....But their facts are patent and startling; and anything that interferes with the multiplication of such facts, and with our freest opportunity of observing and studying them, will, I believe, be a public calamity.”

“All problems are finally scientific problems.”

“Sorghum is kind of unusual. It can go to very high heats, but it's not as productive in most environments as maize is.”