"Mother Nature clearly intended for us to..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.”

“The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.”

“I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.”

“The person who is ignorant enough to believe that his nourishment depends on meat is in a horrible dilemma.”

“But my point is that competitive eating is a real sport, and I considered taking it up. But when I thought about what this would mean sitting around for hours, stuffing my face with unhealthy food I realized it was basically the same thing as journalism.”

“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.”

“Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.”

“Some men make a womanish complaint that it is a great misfortune to die before our time. I would ask what time? Is it that of Nature? But she, indeed, has lent us life, as we do a sum of money, only no certain day is fixed for payment. What reason then to complain if she demands it at pleasure, since it was on this condition that you received it.”

“Like the creatures of the forest and the sea, I love To lose myself for a while.”