"It would seem that something which means..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.”

“I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.”

“We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .”

“It comes down to a doubt about the wisdomOf having children after having had them,So there is nothing we can do about itBut warn the children they perhaps should have none.”

“Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.”

“The idea that a baby doesn't amount to anything! Why, one baby is just a house and a front yard full by itself. One baby can, furnish more business than you and your whole Interior Department can attend to. He is enterprising, irrepressible, brimful of lawless activities.”

“Children instinctively know that the more laughter we have in our lives, the better.”

“Together as a nation, we have the obligation to put sunshine into the hearts of our little ones. They are our precious possessions. They deserve what happiness life can offer.”

“Our children need our presence, not our presents.”