"I regularly read Internet user groups filled..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”

“A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.”

“Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad.”

“Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.”

“I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.”

“Beer's intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.”

“The machine has several virtues... One may lean back in his chair and work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around.”

“One of the failures of technology companies is that they build technologies thinking everything else will work out.”

“I know few significant questions of public policy which can safely be confided to computers. In the end, the hard decisions inescapably involve imponderables of intuition, prudence, and judgment.”