"A terrible thing happened to me last..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”

“Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.”

“If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.”

“I'd like to harness their youthful energy with a strap.”

“Lady Middleton ... exerted herself to ask Mr. Palmer if there was any news in the paper. 'No, none at all,' he replied, and read on.”

“I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.”

“We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, and intellectually. We need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.”

“Everything is nothing when you got no one.”

“I used to think it was mere homesickness, then I started getting it at home.”