"When my generation was your age, we..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.”

“One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet”

“Humor is an escape, because you cannot think about your problems when you are trying to be funny; so, in essence, "being a humorist" gives you a valid excuse to hide from your pain.”

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”

“Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.”

“Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.”

“The youth of the present day are quite monstrous. They have absolutely no respect for dyed hair.”

“When you build a memorial, you build it not because the person wanted it, but for the future -- for generations who didn't know the man and didn't know the era in which he lived.”

“Now that I am sixty, I see why the idea of elder wisdom has passed from currency.”