"The last thing my kids ever did..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.”

“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”

“I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.”

“Disabled children are equally entitled to an exciting and brilliant future.”

“Having children is something we think we ought to do because our parents did it, but when it is over the children are just other members of the human race, rather disappointingly.”

“Note that venerable proverb: Children and fools always speak the truth. The deduction is plain: adults and wise persons never speak it.”

“You either master money, or, on some level, money masters you.”

“I can understand wanting to have millions of dollars; there's a certain freedom, meaningful freedom, that comes with that.”

“Tis a well spent penny that saves a groat.”