"If you're like most members of the..." - Quote by Dave Barry
If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.
More by Dave Barry
“Of course, the truth is that the congresspersons are too busy raising campaign money to read the laws they pass. The laws are written by staff tax nerds who can put pretty much any wording they want in there. I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the US tax code, you'd find at least one sex scene. ("Yes, yes, YES!" moaned Vanessa as Lance, his taut body moist with moisture, again and again depreciated her adjusted gross rate of annualized fiscal debenture...)”
“I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.”
“Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2. There is no way you would ever pet it. 3. It does not respond to simple commands such as "Here, boy!"”
More on Generations
“I set out on this ground, which I suppose to be self evident, "that the earth belongs in usufruct to the living": that the dead have neither powers nor rights over it.”
“Every constitution..., and every law, naturally expires at the end of 19 years [a generation]. If it be enforced longer, it is anact of force, and not of right.”
“Every age and generation must be as free to act for itself.”
More on Parenting
“The vilest abortionist is he who attempts to mould a child's character.”
“It is important for children to understand that some of the disappointment their parents feel for them is often really the parents' disappointment in their own lives.”
“How many languages can a child learn? As many as you will take the time to teach them.”