"If Mozart had power tools, there's no..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.”

“You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat reads those stories too, and has spent most of its skulking, devious little life dreaming about inheriting all your money.”

“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.”

“How every fool can play upon the word!”

“But then, after all, we are all alike, for we are all derived from the monkey.”

“Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.”

“Whenever I make music, it reflects where I'm at mentally.”

“Life is like music for its own sake. We are living in an eternal now, and when we listen to music we are not listening to the past, we are not listening to the future, we are listening to an expanded present.”

“The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.”