"At least once per year, some group..." - Quote by Dave Barry
At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:•The universe is even bigger than they thought!•There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!•Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
More by Dave Barry
“As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.”
“As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.”
“Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!”
More on Humor
“I lay my eternal curse on whomsoever shall now or at any time hereafter make schoolbooks of my works and make me hated as Shakespeare is hated. My plays were not designed as instruments of torture. All the schools that lust after them get this answer, and will never get any other.”
“Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.”
“Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."”
More on Science
“On the left-hand side of the field equation we may add the fundamental tensor guv, multiplied by a universal constant, -λ, at present unknown, without destroying the general covariance.”
“Any color is more distinctly seen when opposed to its contrary: thus, black on white, blear near yellow, green near red, and so on.”
“That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons.”