"My husband always felt that a marriage..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.”

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”

“I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.”

“The millionaire says to a thousand people, 'I read this book and it started me on the road to wealth.' Guess how many go out and get the book? Very few. Isn't that incredible? Why wouldn't everyone get the book?!”

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”

“The sleeping fox catches no poultry.”

“The doctors advised me not to have even one. My health was still not good, and they said that pregnancy might be fatal. If they hadn't said that to me, maybe I wouldn't have got married. But that diagnosis provoked me, it infuriated me. I answered, 'Why do you think I'm getting married if not to have children? I don't want to hear that I can't have children; I want you to tell me what I have to do in order to have children!'”

“Marriage is hardly a thing one can do now and then, except in America.”

“Even cohabitation has been corrupted - by marriage.”