"The women who line up at a..." - Quote by George Carlin

“One of the interesting things about "outsidership" is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.”

“Tits always look better in a pink sweater.”

“One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.”

“A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.”

“When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.”

“And what about the cash, my existence's jewel?”

“Sir Walter Elliot, of Kellynch-hall, in Somersetshire, was a man who, for his own amusement, never took up any book but the Barontage; there he found occupation for an idle hour, and consolation in a distressed one; . . .”

“Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken word, the writing that goes into it is an art form - it's certainly artistry.”

“People look at me as some bruiser, but I want to entertain people. I want people to applaud. I want to be the cause of people being happy, their emotions changing, to tell me I did a good performance.”