Will Rogers Quotes

This would be a great world to dance in if we didn’t have to pay the fiddler.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

One of these days they are going to remove so much of the 'hooey' and the thousands of things the schools have become clogged up with, and we will find that we can educate our broods for about one-tenth of the price and learn 'em something that they might accidentally use after they escape.

There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war, or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it.

Everything worthwhile is a good idea, but did you ever notice there is more bad ideas that will work than there is good ones?

I know things are going to get better in spite of both sides. Then when things do get better, then you'll hear the yell that will go up. The Democrats will swear that recovery was due to them. Now the Republicans, they'll say it was due to them. Nobody wanted to claim the credit for the country blowing up, but wait until it starts picking up and they'll both be on it then. See?

There is one thing about Englishmen, they won't fix anything till it's just about totally ruined. You couldn't get the English to fix anything at the start. No! They like to sit and watch it grow worse. Then, when it just looks like the whole thing has gone up Salt Creek, why, the English jump in and rescue it.

Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.

One revolution is like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next.

You must never tell a thing. You must illustrate it. We learn throughthe eye and not the noggin.

Whoever said a horse was dumb, was dumb

I don't think either one of them knows what it's all about, to be honest with you. Both sides are doing nothing but just looking towards the next election.

So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.

There wasn't any Republicans in Washington's day. No Republicans, no Boll Weevil, no income tax, no cover charge, no disarmament conference, no luncheon clubs, no stop lights, no static, no head winds. My Lord, living in those days, who wouldn't be great?

Democrats always were a cheap lot. They never had much money to operate on.... They would rather make a speech than a dollar. They cultivate their voice instead of their finances.

No party is as bad as its leaders.

Never miss a chance to shut up

I argue with wife over what little pieces of real estate investments we should try to pay on and hold, and which to let go back. We always said, "Put it in land, and you can always walk on it." We did, but no buyers would walk on it with us.

Senators are a never-ending source of amusement, amazement, and discouragement.

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

The trouble with Democrats is that they all want to run for President

We all joke about Congress but we can't improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is just as bad as the one he replaces?

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

There will never be a time when the old horse is not superior to any auto ever made.

In all your life, you will never find a method more effective in getting through to another person than to make that person feel important.

Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.

We are always saying: Let the Law take its Course but what we really mean is: Let the Law take OUR Course.

A politician is not as narrow-minded as he forces himself to be.

No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he has a dog, he has a friend; and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.

Pain is such an uncomfortable feeling that even a tiny amount of it is enough to ruin every enjoyment.

If you want to be successful, love what you are doing.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

Every time we have an election, we get in worse men and the country keeps right on going. Times have proven only one thing and that is you can't ruin this country even with politics.

And, when the votes are counted, let everybody, including the candidates, get into a good humor as quick as they got into a bad one.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Does college pay? They do if you are a good open-field runner.

I was born on Nov. 4, which is election day ... my birthday has made more men and sent more back to honest work than any other days in the year.

Our president delivered his State of the Union message to Congress. That is one of the things his contract calls for -- to tell congress the condition of the country. This message, as I say, is to Congress. The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the president has to tell 'em.

Work to make a living; serve to make a life.

One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

You see, in Washington they have these bodies, Senate and the House of Representatives. That is for the convenience of the visitors. If there is nothing funny happening in one, there is sure to be in the other, and in case one body passes a good bill, why, the other can see it in time and kill it.

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

Don't be misled by History, or any other unreliable source.

Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow is too lazy to form an opinion.

Coolidge made less speeches and got more votes than any man that ever run. (William Jennings) Bryan was listened to and cheered by more people than any single human in politics, and he lost. So there is a doubt just whether talking does you good or harm.

This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it. That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation.

America is the first country where people go to the poor house in their car.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

You must judge a man's greatness by how much he will be missed.

Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read them.

America has the best politicians money can buy.

If you don't have malice in our heart, it doesn't come across harsh.

More words ain't good for anything in the world only to bring on more argument.