“How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.”

“We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”

“I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'”

“They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.”

“The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.”

“I am declinedInto the vale of years.”

“What should we speak of When we are old as you? when we shall hear The rain and wind beat dark December? how, In this our pinching cave, shall we discourse The freezing hours away?”

“My way of lifeIs fall'n into the sear and yellow leaf.”