"In the United States, anybody can be..." - Quote by George Carlin

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”

“I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh?”

“Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.”

“A fool and his money are soon elected.”

“The heart of a statesman should be in his head.”

“If the governments devalue the currency in order to betray all creditors, you politely call this procedure 'inflation'.”

“This country is going - be living better ten years from now than it is now. It will be living better in 20 years from now than ten years from now. The ingredients that made this country, you know, the miracle of the world - I mean we had a seven for one improvement in the average American standard of living in the 20th century.”

“Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press.”

“If I'd lived in Roman times, I'd have lived in Rome. Where else? Today America is the Roman Empire and New York is Rome itself.”