"Some people see the glass half full...." - Quote by George Carlin
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
More by George Carlin
“One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.”
“I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a natural area that I'd have loved - to teach it, probably, Language has always fascinated me. There's a genetic inheritance there a good language gene, which I inherited [from my mother and grandfather] and she fostered that in me as he fostered that in her.”
“Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?”
More on Perspective
More on Humor
“I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.”
“The only thing we have to fear is a giant wheelchair-crushing squid. Well... uh... actually, I guess that's the only thing I have to fear.”
“Oh, well, if you want original conversations, you'd better go and talk to yourself.”