"I want to get a job naming..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".
More by Mitch Hedberg
“They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!"”
“I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'”
“I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.”
More on Humor
“What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.”
“It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job.”
“I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.”
More on Jobs
“Our true choice is not between tax reduction on the one hand and the avoidance of large federal deficits on the other. It is increasingly clear that no matter what party is in power, so long as our national security needs keep rising, an economy hampered by restrictive tax rates will never produce enough revenues to balance our budget, just as it will never produce enough jobs or enough profits.”
“Short term, the most important thing is to put people back to work ... If they're working, that means they're paying taxes, that means that they're buying goods and services - and the economy, instead of being on a downward spiral, starts back up on an upward spiral.”
“Business success isn't just a selfish aim. Profits spread beyond those who make them and bring jobs and prosperity.”